Shattered Mind
by Rae Logan
Summary: Sidestory to "Teaching Darkness" series. Mephiles has lost it... his mind has begun to crack... to break and plunge him into a world that he cannot keep a hold on... SUSPENSEFUL


* * *

Okay.. I've gotten some time off from my portfolio, which is due on the 23rd. I'm done with it, so I just need to fret...

Instead of releasing the next Job Quest chapter, because my cousin is taking so long to finish her character... I made this little suspense fic that is set after... but doesn't spoil story three. Yay for me...

I was actually watching "Flightplan" and loved the suspense set up in it, so I made my own not-base-of-that-movie fic that has the same type of suspense.

BTW, when it's on Meph's POV, the "..." means he's switched his state of mind.

Enjoy... I like how this turned out :D

* * *

(Mephiles' POV)

Make it stop… I can't _take_ it anymore… I've had _enough;_ I just want it to _end…_

My nights, I can't _sleep…_ I can't do _any_thing but stare at the ceiling… _afraid_ to fall asleep… _afraid_ I will be haunted again…

How does Shadow _make_ it? Rouge says we're very similar… but _how_ does he deal with his memories? His nightmares? His… haunted mind?

I don't see it… he doesn't_ seem_ like he has problems… he actually seems _happier_ than me… much happier… but, Rouge said… she said… she…

……

No…

No.

_No!_

They're _back!_ The _images,_ the _hurt,_ the _fear…_ they're _plaguing_ my mind again! Why won't they _leave?_ _Why_ can't they leave me be, and keep my mind sound? _Why?!_

I'm _afraid…_ I'm scared out of my _wits…_ I'm at my wits'_ end…_ I don't know what to do… I'm at a loss, I'm_ helpless…_

_How_ did this happen? I'm _supposed_ to be a demon of darkness… I should _embrace_ the concept of darkness with open arms… but I don't… _why? _

…

I'm _not _a demon of darkness… I'm not even a _demon…_ just _who_ am I trying to fool? I'm just a science project gone _horribly_ wrong… I shouldn't even _exist…_ I'm not _meant_ to be here…

…

What am I _saying?_ I _can't_ be a failed lab experiment… I've done _good_… I've _helped_… I… I have to be _wrong_… I _won't_ accept that!

…

What are you doing? Get _away _from me! I'm not _safe!_ Leave me _alone!_

* * *

(Normal POV)

Shadow kept shaking Mephiles lightly, trying to rouse to shady hedgehog from whatever bad memory he was having, Mephiles having been groaning and whispering words under his breath as he writhed and trembled on the couch in his dazed state.

"Meph… wake up…"

"… _get away… not safe… leave me…_"

"Mephiles…"

"… _No…_" He moaned as he tried to push his hands away, his arms not having much strength put into doing so. "_… Leave me alone… I'm not safe… I'm not safe…_"

"Mephiles… wake up… it's just a bad dream…" Rouge was helping as well. She knew Mephiles had a tendency to be caught in a nightmare, and this kind if thing happened every now and then. But this one just didn't seem quite the same as the rest. Usually by this point, he would have already started to wake up even the slightest, which was usually all that was needed to snap him awake.

Shadow gently lifted an eyelid, finding Mephiles' eye to be unfocused and bleary, staring right passed him. It would seem Mephiles' mind wasn't really processing that Rouge and Shadow were there, trying to help him by trying to wake him.

Whatever he was seeing, however, was upsetting him, and making him very agitated. He kicked at Shadow with not much force, pulled away, and curled up in a tight ball of quills and fur, as if he was trying to defend himself from something.

Suddenly, he jerked himself awake with a startled gasp. He lifted his head and looked up at Rouge and Shadow, an expression of utmost unease painted across his pale muzzle.

* * *

(Mephiles' POV)

What's going on? Why are they staring at me like that? What did I do this time? I can't catch my breath… was I scared? I can't remember… I can't remember what happened at all…

…

I hate this. This is at least the fourth time this _month_ I've had to be woken up by them… why can't I make these images leave my mind? It's the same thing… over and over… again and again… day after day… night after night…. Week. After. _Week_… I'll go _mad_ if it doesn't stop! The very workings of my mind will jam up and _shatter_ if this persists! I will lose it, and I'll be lost… unable to find my way back! I will be…

…

I must stop this… I'm overreacting… my mind is tired, and I have jumped to the worst case scenario without a moment's pause. I must not panic… I'll be _fine…_ heh…

…

I'm lying to myself… I just _know_ it… they know it, too… or rather… they sense that I'm not alright… but in what way?

Do they think I'm delusional right now? Do they guess that I'm upset? Can they feel the fear that is radiating off of me? What?

They probably think I'm losing it… that my mind is beginning to slip… slip away, and through my fingers… But that is not the case… I tell you, I'm _fine!_ There is _nothing_ wrong with my mind!

* * *

(Shadow's POV)

Something's not right with Mephiles right now… I can tell… I can _see _it…

And I don't mean the "I think he's lost it" kind of "not right"… I mean that I think he's not entirely awake…

His eyes don't look entirely clear, and he's just muttering to himself as he backs away, his quills pushing into the backrest of the couch…

His eyes stay fixed on me… staring at me accusingly, as if I had suggested something offending to him.

His words are becoming clearer… Rouge and I can hear him better. Some of it fades in and out though… but we can hear the basic concept of what he's saying…

"… _Not losing it… I'm fine… nothing's wrong with my mind… My head is fine… Not losing it…. I'm not… I'm not… I'm not…._"

We never said you were! What's wrong? We'd like to help you… but we need to know what's wrong… Mephiles, we -

OW!

He _bit_ me! Mephiles _bit_ me! He sank his teeth into my hand, and bit me!

…

My hand will be fine though… He didn't bite too hard. It barely broke the skin… but it'll be bruised where the teeth marks were…

Why did he do that though?

* * *

(Rouge's POV)

Did he just bite _Shadow?_

Why? Shadow was just trying to help him… Is Meph even really awake? Last and only time he bit Shadow was during his first really, and I mean _really_, bad nightmare…

Hey! Wait! Mephiles! Come back!

Shadow! Catch him before he hurts himself!

He's stopped at the door, and has to slow down to open it. Shadow's now got him by the wrist… he usually stops when you catch him by the wrist…

I don't believe it!

He just whipped around and slapped Shadow in the face with his _claws!_ Or tried to… he didn't leave a mark. But it got Shadow to let go! He's trying to get out!

* * *

(Mephiles' POV)

I have to get out, I have to _leave!_ It's too overwhelming! I can't _take_ it anymore! I can't _think!_ I _can't!_ I _can't!_ I _can't!_

I have nowhere else to go, but I just have to keep running! As far as I'll go… no, _farther!_ I _must_ go farther than that! Or they will find me; they will _catch_ me, and take me back!

I won't go back! I_ can't_ go back! I've hurt them! I've done wrong!

…

_He's catching up!_

That black and red hedgehog's catching up to me! I have to run faster! I _must,_ or I will be caught! What have _I_ done? What did I _do?_ I just want to get out! Can't you see that? I just want out!

* * *

(Shadow's POV)

I'm getting closer. I'm catching up to him…

Why is he running? He seems scared now… he's screaming about wanting to get out of somewhere, like he's lost or something…

…

The rain is making it hard for my to reach my full speed, I don't want to slip…

…

It's not safe to be running outside in the dark while it rains… cars and things, y'know… I hope he slows down, or tires out soon… it's not safe for him to be doing this…

He runs like Sonic, almost… I think he's been paying too much attention to our races…

His arm's just within reach… I can almost grab his wrist… almost…

Got him!

He's fighting against my hold, but I've got him… and not a moment too soon… his foot was just in the street as a truck was coming this way before I pulled him back…

It's okay… I'm not going to hurt you… I'm trying to help…

* * *

(Mephiles' POV)

Help? _Help?_

What does he mean by that? I don't know…

I don't like the sound of it though… I'm fine! My mind is fine!

…

I can't run anymore. Not only has he caught me, but my legs gave out, too.

I feel dizzy… I can't think clearly anymore… what's going on? Why does he want to catch me? What did I do?

Let me go… _please,_ just let me go… I don't know what I've done… but, I'm _sorry…_ Just _please_ understand… that I just wanted _out…_ I've done _nothing_ wrong! _Nothing!_

* * *

(Normal POV)

"… _I've done nothing wrong…_" Mephiles whispered frantically under his breath, shaking his head as tried to pull his wrist free. "_… I just wanted out… It wasn't my fault… Please let go… I just wanted out…_"

_Now we're getting somewhere… _Shadow said to himself, relieve somewhat as the rain started to let up some. He now had a piece of this puzzle.

"… Mephiles…" He said softly, trying not to upset him more. "… Meph…"

"… _I just had to get _away!_ Was that so wrong?!_"

"Get away from where?"

"… _Leave me alone! It wasn't my fault! I've done nothing!_"

"What are you talking about?" Shadow tried to see if Mephiles was on the same track as him.

Suddenly, Mephiles' tone changed. He didn't sound scared anymore. In fact, he sounded infuriated, as if Shadow had forgotten something very important.

"_What do you_ mean _'What am I talking about'?! What are you suggesting?!_" His quills stood on end, and his fur did as well. He bared his teeth as he raised his free hand, fingers curled as though he was ready to claw at something. "_Are you saying that I'm making no sense at _all?! _That I'm just some experiment gone wrong that you can just label as 'insane'?! Maybe you think I'm not all there, and need 'help'… my mind is _fine! _There is _nothing _wrong with me! Just leave me alone!_"

He swiped his hand at Shadow again, his fingers just brushing against Shadow's quills as Shadow turned his head away in reaction, the quill clumps splitting apart.

Then Mephiles collapsed completely… and cried.

* * *

(Mephiles' POV)

What am I doing?! He's my friend, why am I trying to hurt him?! What is _wrong _with me?!

Maybe it's not a lie… maybe I _am _losing it… maybe I _do _need help…

What am I going to do? What if I can't be helped? What if they can't do anything for me?

What if…?

* * *

(Normal POV)

Mephiles hung against Shadow's hold limply, his body shaking with both the cold night's air, and the sobs he was fighting to hold back. His tears mixed with the rain draining from his quills and down his face.

He had stopped fighting. He had stopped running. He had stopped screaming, yelling, biting, scratching and kicking… but most importantly…

He had stopped hiding…

He lifted his head up to stare at Shadow, his red-rimmed, lime-green eyes slightly redder from his tears. His eyes held his sanity in them, showing Shadow that Mephiles was back in his right mind.

Mephiles shifted his gaze for a moment, catching glimpses of Shadow's hand and separated quills. He blinked and held back the emotion that was trying to flood through, and shifted his eyes back to lock gazes with Shadow.

Both hedgehogs were quiet for about a minute, before Mephiles spoke up faintly, his voice a little tired from its excessive use.

"… Can you help me?... I don't want to be scared anymore…"

Shadow smiled softly, and nodded.

"Sure, Meph… I'll help you… Rouge will, too…"

"… No more nightmares?"

"… No more nightmares."

"… You promise?"

"I promise…"

Mephiles nodded his head weakly as a way to say "Thank you…", feeling too exhausted to say it.

Shadow carefully led Mephiles behind him and pulled his weary shadow onto his back, letting Mephiles bury his face into Shadow's quills as he breathed out a sigh before letting himself fall asleep, Shadow tightening his hold on him as the shade's grip loosened before the red and black hedgehog started their way home.

* * *

(Epilogue, Mephiles' POV)

It's been weeks. And I think we've got it solved.

They took me to a place to be "evaluated"… whatever that really means… I'll have to ask Shadow about that some day…

Anyway… it would seem my little episode was due to a build up of my trauma. I had not tried to confront it, or talk about it before, so it had a good ten years to build up like that.

As it turns out… otherwise… I'm fine. I'll say it again, just because I like to say it: I'm._ Fine._ _None _of it caused any lasting damage to me.

What had happened was that my trauma had built up, and temporarily set my mind in two places: Reality and my past. A couple of times, it was a mix of both. Some parts, I actually _believed_ I was back at that day, and I was being hunted down, but at the same time, knew I was still in Westopolis... Makes sense? I know… I don't really get it either…

But it's done, it's over… and I've never been happier.

They _did_ suggest Rouge and Shadow should get me something to help me stay calm though. Like a pet or something.

They got me an egg of some kind. It's white with green and yellow spots. They say it's a "Chao Egg"… I've never really seen a Chao before. The future had a few exit signs that said "Chao Garden Next Left" and I remember a few faded billboards saying "Chaos in Space 3"… so Chaos must be pretty popular…

Well… I should go… I see that this egg is starting to crack… I'm excited to see what it looks like… I hope it likes me…

* * *

Wow... I like writing Meph in first person... it's so... _different_...

Hope you liked it... I'm really excited to write about that egg soon... you'll be in for a fun treat :D

Toodles


End file.
